Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well.
I am a married woman and a mother of three teenage children — two boys and a girl.
My husband and I are both gainfully employed.
However, my job keeps me away from home most of the time.
Even when I am home, I spend a lot of time trying to meet targets.
At times, I will be working overtime at the office.
My househelp is a hands-on person and she holds the fort very well in my absence.
I am starting to feel lonely and distant in my own home.
When my children want attention or assistance with anything, they go either to the househelp or to their father.
They only interact with me when it is very necessary.
My husband is naturally a man of very few words but now we do not interact that much.
I am very worried about this development and I am wondering if he and the kids talk about me during my absence.
I am slowly losing my family. How do I win them back?
Response
Hello writer and thank you very much for writing in.
I am very well, and thanks for asking.
I do not think your husband talks about you negatively in your absence.
What is happening is a very natural process. The children have simply bonded with their dad and househelp more.
From your communication, you explained that you are mostly away from home. You need to make time for the entire family.
I suggest you talk to your boss and try to make some adjustments that will enable you to be at home every now and then.
At times in life, we are forced to make hard decisions to ensure the important things work. You cannot have your cake and eat it.
If push comes to shove, what would you rather have?
I would be happy to hear from you again.
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My freeloading relatives are a burden
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your Sunday Mail column. I am a 34-year-old father of two. I am happily married.
I bought a 14-seater minibus for a song from my boss, who was going abroad. He told me it was his farewell gift to me.
However, the vehicle has caused a rift between my relatives and I.
What bothers me the most is that when I travel for family functions, some of my relatives park their cars and ask me for free rides.
It is only a 14-seater and cannot accommodate the whole tribe.
I am now being accused of being a segregator. I do not know how they managed before I got this vehicle.
My wife has suggested that when family gatherings arise, we must use public transport so that we save ourselves from this bickering. Amai, please help!
Response
Thank you for reaching out and for supporting this platform.
It is refreshing to hear that you have a happy marriage, especially these days when many people are divorcing. I think your wife is angry. What she has suggested will inconvenience your family the most.
If you use public transport, they will use their cars and not bother about you. Given the calibre of people you are dealing with, you need to think it through. You made it too easy for them from the beginning.
It is common knowledge that when someone plans to travel, they put aside funds for bus fare or fuel, so it is not as if they were destitute.
It does not make any sense for people to begrudge you because of your vehicle.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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