Vulnerability is not desperation

Vulnerability is all about just BEING!

It’s about being real with your partner about your emotions. True vulnerability means being your authentic self without draining the other person for your own benefit.

Simply stating your feelings — whether to your partner or just to yourself without seeking anything in return — is vulnerability.

No matter what type of relationship we are talking about, be it friendship, familial or romantic, vulnerability is key to fostering a closer, deeper and more authentic bond with another person. It keeps us honest with each other and ourselves, breaks down walls, eliminates the potential for miscommunication and misunderstandings and allows us to be wholly ourselves.

Vulnerability is when a person willingly takes the risk to reveal their emotions and weaknesses.

This emotional openness is essential in all healthy relationships as it paves the way for deeper understanding and evokes the empathy necessary for healthy long-term relationships. With open communication, others can better relate to you and imagine the nuance of your feelings.

It’s completely natural to want to guard yourself and your emotions. In fact, holding thoughts and feelings to your chest and away from others is a form of protection, sometimes making it hard to be vulnerable in a relationship.

If you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, your partner can’t be expected to understand what you need and want from them. Being too closed off to others especially in romantic relationships or very close friendships can backfire. The bond itself is less satisfying and your relationship may be even more susceptible to breaking.

They will undoubtedly respond in unsatisfactory ways and then, because you don’t feel supported, you can resent them and blame them rather than owning your feelings. And then, before you begin to be vulnerable, you have got a knot to unwind.

All relationships are prone to fissures, think of vulnerability as the mortar that helps fill in the cracks.

Like many things in life, being vulnerable doesn’t always come naturally. In fact, it can be really difficult to express ourselves honestly with someone else out of fear of rejection or judgment.

We are our own worst critics and the fear that your partner might agree with the worst things you think about yourself is terrifying. In some cases, it’s difficult to open up because you aren’t wholly vulnerable even with yourself, tapping into your inner core often means having to deal with uncomfortable or confusing emotions.

Dive right in by sharing how you feel about discussing your vulnerability. Let your partner know how you felt being vulnerable in the past.

Simply having a better understanding of why you might struggle with vulnerability can help you connect with your partner on the matter.

It’s also a good first step to embracing vulnerability in relationships versus avoiding it.

Any topic that evokes difficult emotions for you is one that you should find a way to work through.

Sometimes, just naming a fear aloud makes it seem smaller and relieves some of its sting. We all have fears.

Whether it’s sexuality, money or family challenges, you can benefit from talking about your feelings with someone who will listen closely without judgment.

One way to open up the channels of communication and vulnerability is to discuss the things that are happening in your life. Maybe you had a run-in with a stranger that left you confused, or maybe you are dealing with something new at work.

Simply start with the facts, then share how this experience impacted you.

The experience doesn’t have to be negative. Maybe it’s something that left you beaming!

While vulnerability in relationships is crucial, there’s certainly a balance to strike between being vulnerable and keeping some details to ourselves.

One of the best new habits you can create is the habit of considering the impact of sensitive information before sharing it with others.

Other “off-limit” topics might include sexual history (especially if this might lead to potential jealousy or pain with a romantic partner), certain financial or health details, fears or thoughts that you haven’t fully worked through on your own that might negatively impact your relationship, and grudges you haven’t been able to let go of yet.

Vulnerability is an opportunity to grow as a person and a way to find deep satisfaction in your relationships.

Opening up and relinquishing your fears of rejection helps build trust and honesty with others, fosters empathy, and builds stronger bonds.

It’s not always easy to be vulnerable and doing so often requires taking deliberate steps. The work is worth it!

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