Online Reporter
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 28-year-old man, and I am yet to get married. My brother borrowed US$2 000 from me in October and promised to pay it back in November, after receiving his bonus.
He is married and is a father of two beautiful kids. He and his wife are gainfully employed.
My brother has failed to fulfil his promise, and I am upset because I need the money now. As if this is not enough, my parents and siblings now accuse me of being hard-hearted. One of my sisters said she did not understand why I wanted the money back, yet I am single. She does not see why I urgently need it. My money is hard-earned, and I should spend it as I like. Would it be wrong if I took the matter to the civil court? Please help.
Response
Hello writer and thank you very much for reaching out to me. In my view, you are justified in asking for your money back. Your family should not judge you because you are within your rights.
Your brother should be blamed for failing to pay back what he owes and for exposing your agreement to the family. Your siblings should understand that you, too, need money for your upkeep and personal plans. Taking the civil court route sounds the fairest way out but since you are family, this could destroy relationships for life. The law is stubborn; you must prove beyond reasonable doubt that your brother owes you money.
Did you make him sign anything to acknowledge receipt of the cash? In interactions with family and friends, agreements are often made verbally; however, such arrangements may not be recognised as legally binding by the courts.
Engage in an open discussion with your brother and make him commit to a payment plan.
The rest of the family should be left out of this. I would be happy to hear from you again.
*******
How much is
too much?
Dear Amai, I hope you had an enjoyable Christmas. I am a married woman. I am a mother of a five-year-old boy. I run a general dealership in the ghetto with my husband. My observation is that people are spending a lot of money on alcoholic drinks.
We allow them to take provisions on credit and then pay at the month-end. Booze is their priority. We make money but my heart goes out to their families.
Amai, how can these people be helped? I am noticing that some of them are wasting away. Most of them spend their time at the shopping centre and I often wonder when they will spend quality time with their families.
Response
I had a splendid holiday, thanks for inquiring. Your letter touched my heart. You are a businessperson with a difference because you care about the well-being of your clients. The fact that they spend most, if not all, of their money on alcohol means they are left broke and prone to borrowing.
It is a vicious circle and makes poverty nearly inescapable. Do you ever talk to your customers about life and spending wisely? It is important to do so occasionally because you never know the impact this could have on some individuals. Furthermore, do not be an enabler by allowing them to borrow alcoholic drinks throughout the month.
I suggest you put a limit per month, especially for heavy drinkers. Try this and see how it goes. Some may begin to spend more time with their families and take better care of their finances. I wish you all the best.
*******
Offspring left the
family church
I enjoy reading your column and learning from what other people go through. I am a married man. My family was born and bred in a traditional church. I have three children, aged 19, 21 and 23. We used to go to the same church, and I thought this was awesome. My wife is a great mother.
Early this year, they were invited to a crusade by one of our neighbours who attends a Pentecostal church. Since then, they have never looked back. They are now full members of that church. This has not gone well with us and there is a bit of tension between us and our neighbour. We tried to instil some rationality in their thinking, yet they remained adamant.
We issued some threats but this is not working. Amai, how do we get them to return to the family church?
Response
Thank you very much for supporting the column. Thank you for being good parents. I do not see anything wrong with what your children have done considering their ages. They are no longer kids but majors, and they have made their choices, which you should respect.
You still belong to the same religion, although the denominations are now different. You should embrace and encourage them to carry on. They are on the right path because they still choose to attend church. Please make peace with your neighbour; you need each other. Do not worry about this. Learn to let go and let the children make their own choices. I wish you all the best.
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