Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
Relocation of individuals and families is one of many new year resolutions I have been hearing about.
Such new beginnings can be exciting yet can come with their own set of challenges.
If you are one of those family-oriented folks whose new year plans involve relocation due to study or career pursuits, I do hope you are ready to take the bull by the horns.
Relocating with family especially, can be a daunting experience that often needs the right guidance, in order to be a successful and enriching adventure that keeps the family intact against all odds. Lately I have been seeing stories and debates about marriages suffering when couples move to the diaspora, with or without children.
Some felt that men were not getting the respect they expected from their spouses especially where wives were the bread winners in the equation.
Top on the list of “grievances,” I hear, were accusations that wives who were bread winners especially, were either ill-treating unemployed husband’s or dumping them in a cruel manner, forgetting the love they shared before or the times they spent together back home.
Unfortunately, the dynamics and roles in a marriage can indeed shift when couples relocate overseas, which is why I recommend thorough research and understanding before embarking on the journey to that new life.
If young children are involved, paying for childcare can be challenging and one partner (or the unemployed one) might have to look after them mostly, take them to school, either errands, or the couple might have to take turns, depending on their situation.
There are countless scenarios that couples find themselves in and dynamics that might contribute to this phenomenon.
I picked a few to discuss here just to encourage those who need to improve on their relocation road map and keep the family solid in that whole process:
Scenarios contributing to waning respect
Role reversals: When the wife finds employment before the husband, it can lead to a shift in power dynamics. Some husbands might feel emasculated or less respected, especially if not contributing financially to the household. This also breeds power imbalance and increased dependence. When one partner has more control over finances, decision-making, or daily life, it can create an imbalance in the relationship, leading to feelings of disrespect. It is hard enough for some families to make ends meet in a foreign country.
So, when husbands rely on their wives for financial support, it might feel unnatural and can create those feelings of dependence and resentment.
Loss of traditional roles: Men may feel a loss of identity or purpose when they are not working or providing for their family in the same way they did back home. The spouse would need to understand this and encourage open communication.
Cultural differences and adaptation challenges: In some cultures, the husband is expected to be the primary breadwinner. When this expectation is not met, it can lead to feelings of disrespect or inadequacy. Adapting to a new culture can be challenging, and couples may struggle to navigate these differences together, leading to feelings of disrespect and frustration. Cynthia Caughey, author of “The Expatriate’s Roadmap to Successfully Moving Overseas” says: “It’s essential to research and understand the local culture, customs, and way of life before making the move.”
Unrealistic expectations: Some couples have no idea what they are getting themselves into, and may have unrealistic expectations about their new life overseas, leading to disappointment and frustration when these expectations are not met.
Lack of emotional support: Men in that scenario may feel unsupported emotionally, leading to feelings of isolation and disconnection.
Communication breakdown: The stress and pressure of relocating can lead to communication breakdowns, causing couples to feel disconnected and disrespected.
Some tips to consider
Open communication: Couples should prioritise open and honest communication to address feelings of disrespect and frustration.
Redefine roles: Couples should work together to redefine their roles and responsibilities in their new life overseas. “Tauriranai” about it and be honest about how you feel, not to pounce surprises on each other and to have bad attitude towards each other. “The key to a successful relocation is to maintain open communication with your partner and children throughout the process,” advises Rachel Smets, author of “Living Abroad Successfully”.
Emotional support: Partners should make an effort to support each other emotionally, helping to alleviate feelings of isolation and disconnection.
“Be prepared for the emotional challenges that come with relocation, and don’t be afraid to seek help when needed,” suggests Brooke Baum, author of “Moving Away: The Emotional Side of Leaving”.
Cultural adaptation: Couples should work together to adapt to their new culture, hazvizonyanyooma if there is unity of purpose in navigating the challenges and differences. Be a strong team.
Financial planning: Whether home or away, financial planning is crucial in a household. Couples should work together to manage their finances, reducing financial stress and promoting a sense of teamwork and respect. Some books you could consider:
“The Expatriate’s Roadmap to Successfully Moving Overseas,” by Cynthia Caughey: A comprehensive guide covering all aspects of relocation, from preparation to settling in.
“Living Abroad Successfully” by Rachel Smets: A practical guide focusing on the emotional and psychological aspects of relocation. “Moving Away: The Emotional Side of Leaving” by Brooke Baum: A helpful resource for understanding and managing the emotional challenges of relocation.
“Helping Expat Kids Thrive” by Lois Bushong: A valuable guide for parents, offering advice on how to support children during relocation.
“The Mobile Life” by Diane Lemieux and Anne Parker: An Insightful book exploring the challenges and opportunities of a mobile lifestyle. These are just some of the resources available and expert advice that can provide you with a solid foundation for navigating the complexities of family relocation. Remember to stay informed, be flexible, and prioritise open communication with your loved ones throughout the process. By researching and discussing these scenarios and dynamics, couples can cover all corners and be well on their way to rebuilding respect and strengthening their relationship in their new life overseas. If you have tips for individuals or couples, perhaps you have successfully relocated, know someone who has good guidance to give or you have an experience and comments to share, do hit me up on
Whatsapp: +263719102572 or email: lainanaledimakuzha@gmail.com.
