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Danisa Masuku
MOST married women do not disclose to their husbands when they are raped. They prefer to suffer in silence just like most of the men who are physically abused by their spouses.
Sithembile Moyo (36) from Burnside suburb in Bulawayo is one such woman who preferred to keep the “haunting” secret to herself.
According to her, not disclosing the ordeal to anyone except her mother has worked in her favour in many ways and she believes there are a number of women who have done the same to shield themselves from negative perceptions that surround the ordeal.
“My marriage was on the verge of collapse so I decided to enlist the services of a prophet for divine intervention and I never knew that would turn out to be the worst move ever in my life as the prophet told me I needed to be cleansed. After that the prophet raped me and I could not tell anyone,” she said.
She added: “Since I was desperate to save my marriage and at the time I was solely dependent on my husband I had no choice but to bottle the ordeal in my heart. In one of the circles, a woman who was raped by one of her in-laws, told her husband about the rape, things changed for the worst in her marriage. Her husband could not believe that she was indeed sexually violated but assumed they were in love.”
“Gradually the man lost trust in her and even the urge to have sex with her diminished. Their marriage developed cracks which bit by bit widened leading to the collapse of their marriage.”
With such a harsh living example Moyo decided to suffer in silence and confided only in her mother.
She says keeping the ordeal to herself and her mother helped her in many ways.
“I’m a church elder in one of the leading Pentecostal churches which I’m not at liberty to name. How were the congregants going to look at me after I had disclosed to the church leadership that I was raped? It was going to be difficult to stand in front of the congregants and preach,” she said.
Turning to her in-laws Moyo said she feared that they would have branded her a prostitute.
“My husband had not allowed me to enlist the services of a prophet. Surely if I had told him that I had been raped he would not have believed since he does not believe in prophets. Things were going to be bad if my in-laws were told and they would have branded me a prostitute. And would have assumed that I was in love with the prophet,” she said.
Moyo says she dreaded being stigmatised.
“A friend of mine was stigmatised and vilified by her family members and members of the public. Her female friends dealt with her in suspicion and avoided her because of the hellish experience she was going through. I picked some lessons from her nasty experience.
“Although she went for counselling sessions the ordeal still haunts her because at times some of her relatives raise the issue, albeit in hushed tones but still it reaches her ears,” she said.
Pastor Alois Chikomo of House of Grace church said in their community of pastors they rarely deal with such cases.
“This is a sensitive issue. Moreover people who are involved in such an issue are fragile, most of them do not come for counselling and advice as they opt to suffer in silence. Per year we receive about 5 of such cases,” he said.
He added: “When they do come for counselling the situation in their marriage would have spiralled to a divorce and at such a point the husband would lay the blame on the wife.”
Pastor Chikomo encouraged victims of rape in general and in particular married women to seek help either from dependable local leadership, pastors or police.
“As pastors we are there for them and we encourage them to come so that we can discuss how to help them deal with the ordeal and find closure. They can also approach police officers or pastors to bottle the issue as it has negative effects,” he said.
Bulawayo Police Spokesperson Inspector Abednico Ncube echoed the same sentiments and said: “We usually receive a few cases of rape involving married women or single mothers. Most of the sexual attack victims we receive involve teenagers and a few that involve youths. But we cannot safely say women are not victimised. We therefore, urge women to report cases of sexual abuse to the police for perpetrators to be arrested.”
“We appeal to men to give all forms of support to victims of any sexual abuse. Members of the public are also urged to give moral support to women who have been raped and they must not discriminate or brand them.”
Director for Adult Rape Clinic Maceline Mukwamba said: “I can safely say per month we deal with almost 100 cases of rape and this is a mixture of all ages. Our research found out that men hardly believe that a woman could be raped by someone whom they are very close to or someone they work with or their male friends.”
The research also established that most of the time adult victims opt not to report because they do not want members of the public to know. And they know that if the issue goes to court members of the public will get to know.”
Online Reporter
