Siphakeme .Mnindwa
Joseph Seechack
Christmas Day with family and friends is finally over. Everybody finally went home; all the pressure is over now. The dishes and all the clean up can wait for New Years Eve. Now, Grace Butler can finally lay down on her bed and relax and celebrate with her late husband, Ron Butler.
“Well, here we are Babe, it’s sad to say, but it’s our first Christmas apart since we started dating. I don’t know how they celebrate Christmas in Heaven, but its Hell on Earth for me, without you.”
“OK, OK, I know, I know, God’s will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Got it! But. I live in a world of empty, without you. Your absence takes up most of the air in the room, so it’s hard for me to even breathe.”
“You may remember that in your eulogy, which I’m sure you watched, I mentioned the Gladys Knight and the Pips song, ‘I’d rather live in his world, than without him in mine.’ And it is still true. I would rather be with you in Heaven, than without you in my private Hell, with all this endless, tortuous suffering of being, all alone, without you. I know, I know, God’s will, got it.”
“Do you remember that pillow that we have above our bed that said, ‘Happiness is being married to your best friend?’ Well, I kiss that pillow every night before I go to sleep, because I can’t kiss you. I just wanted you to know that. Of course I’m sure you already know, considering you vantage point in Heaven, where you can see everything. And where you can still keep an eye on me. And take care of me as much as Heaven allows.”
“All our family and friends still come over quite often to check on me and take care of me and love me; and make sure that I am taking care of me too. But, at some point, everybody has to go home to their own lives, as well they should. But here I am, in my eternal solitude again,and again and again. Back to being all alone, wondering what you do every day in Heaven.”
“Sometimes I think of our many funny stories that we shared in our relationship, in our marriage. As parents of our two children, Melody and Ryder. All the stupid, idiotic things that you said to be outrageous and funny. Or the outrageous, stupid things that I said because I thought of them first. Everybody laughed at the crazy couple who shared a cozy honeymoon cell in the Looney Bin. But everybody saw the ‘Love Beyond Measure,’ that made up our lives. Paul Simon wrote, ‘Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you.’ That painful truth is with me every day. Memories of us together, lost in love. It seems that the more we loved each other, the more excruciatingly painful life is, without you.”
“When I’m with the kids or remembering all of our times together, I am really there, I am really alive. Without you, I merely exist.”
“Wow Ron, I sound so maudlin, even to myself. I sound like I spend my day feeling more and more sorry for myself. It’s not that, I’m just suffering endlessly every day. Luckily for me, I have dear Doctor Moonbeam to be there in his cat wisdom to come over and cheer me up with a loud purr, to take my mind off my misery. Cuddling with Moonbeam, grounds me,and lifts my spirits.”
“Honey, did I tell you that both Melody and Ryder are in their last semester of college. They will graduate this summer. I am so proud of them for who they are, the loving, wonderful individuals that they are. We did such a great job Babe, in helping to mould then into the incredible human beings that they are, the wonderful values, which they share. They have our values Ronand so much more.”
“I can remember that we spoke to them one evening, just before they were getting ready to go to their respective colleges. I don’t remember that much of our conversation with them, but I do remember one thing very clearly that you told them. You told them that. ‘Anything your mind can conceive, you can achieve. Don’t limit yourself. Set a lofty goal for yourself and work hard, keep your discipline and stay focused and you will achieve that goal.”
“Ron, what was your favourite Christmas with the kids? I wonder if we both agree on the best Christmas ever with the kids. For me, it was when we got the Camcorder as a gift just before Christmas. That was when Camcorders had just come on the market. The Camcorder made it possible to record all our Christmas memories, the first steps, the birthdays, everything. The whole family watched those old movies yesterday. We were all teary eyed of course. The only bad thing was watching them as proud parents without you being with me and the kids, in person. But Ron, it was ‘A Happy Sad, not a Sad, Sad.’ Thank you for being there in spirit. I guess it’s one of the perks of being in heaven.”
“Ron, if there is any way you can send me strength, please do so. I really need it. I worry that Moonbeam is getting an ulcer as well as a long gray beard out of worrying about me. Actually Ron, I worry about me too. I know that I have to be strong for the kids, for both of us. Somedays I can do that, somedays I just can’t, no matter how hard I try. That’s why I need you to send me some strength, to carry me through the bad days.”
“We were so part of each other Babe. So much of me was made up from you. And I know that so much of you was made up from me. I’m afraid to take inventory of myself, my life and seeing how much is left and how much is gone. I don’t really want to know. I’m afraid to know. I get through the days, distracting myself from those thoughts. When I do get too depressed, somehow or another, Dr. Moonbeam drags me off to bed so that I can escape in my sleep.”
“So, that’s where I am heading, My Love, where I can sleep in your arms once again. Good night, ‘Love of my life. We’ll talk in the morning.’ — (Source: https:blog.reedsy.com/short-story).
